A hot topic and one that is sure to throw up a lot of different responses. Should you force your child to practice? If so, how much encouragement should you give them to practice? Where is the line for pushing your child to practice? How much is too much?

Let’s look at the scenario. Little Timmy wants to play guitar. He’s seen ‘Coco’ or ‘School or Rock’, or maybe he’s seen his best friend Jimmy playing the guitar and it looks like a lot of fun.

As a loving, caring parent, you’ve gone out and purchased little Timmy his first guitar. You might have even set him up with guitar lessons with the best guitar teacher you can find (hats off to you if you’ve chosen lessons with Classical Guitar Academy!)

Timmy loves the look of his guitar and how he feels when holding it. He also loves strumming the open strings for a few minutes from time to time. He might even venture to write you a song by plucking various strings in what appears to you to be a random order.

He also loves his lessons with his guitar teacher, always leaving excited and with a smile on his face.

Everything is coming up roses and your right on track for that parent of the year award. Could this be your year? 🤞

However you’ll soon most likely be faced with a choice…

Things started so well, but as time goes by you notice that Timmy is less enthused by his guitar. So you encourage him to “do a bit of practice”. You explain that you’ve bought the guitar because he wanted it and now it’s his job to put in the practice. “Practice makes perfect” you tell him.

You are somewhat puzzled that Timmy does not seem to want to practice, despite assuring you how much he enjoys his guitar and his lessons. Surely if he loves guitar so much, he would want to practice on his own without being forced, encouraged or nagged?

Well, unfortunately children don’t usually work like that.

As an adult, you understand that the goal is to become a better guitar player and to do that you need to practice everyday. After a long period of time, probably several years, you will reach a high standard. At this point you have reached your goal, congratulations! The hard work paid off.

But here’s the problem: Children are not often motivated by long term goals, delayed gratification, or anything they can’t immediately grasp. There appears to be no final destination as far as children are concerned – just the here and now.

This makes the whole concept of practice a hard one to swallow for children.

Practicing for 30 minutes today without seeing a huge leap in playing ability does not appeal. That 0.5% gain is just not exciting, so they don’t want to spend 30 minutes working towards it. Heck, they don’t even want to spend 30 seconds working towards it!

So, you find yourself having to encourage them to practice. A little at first, but then a LOT. Now you find yourself nagging little Timmy every single day about his guitar practice. Getting in his ear about how much you’ve spent on guitar lessons and how he twisted your arm into buying him a guitar.

Do this enough and there’s a point at which little Timmy starts to associate guitar with being nagged and forced against his will by his parent(s). Unless something changes, it’s a matter of time before little Timmy no longer wants to play the guitar.

So how do we stop this from happening? How do we get children to practice without forcing them? What do we have to do for them to want to pick the guitar up and engage in meaningful practice?

But first let’s look at the other option…

Little Timmy has decided to play the guitar, so let’s allow him to get on with it all on his own.

You’ve decided that you don’t want to be one of those interfering parents that forces their child to practice, as it doesn’t fit your parenting style. Afterall, if it’s something fun, they should want to do it on their own. They don’t need extra encouragement or reminders. “If they want to play guitar, they will do it themselves”.

So, you stand off and let little Timmy crack on. Some days he picks it up, other days he doesn’t. Whenever he picks up the guitar he does the same little strum or the same sort of open string melody. Over, and over, and over again.

You start to wonder how much is he really getting out of this? You’re still paying for guitar lessons, remember? It’s been a year. Surely he should be getting somewhere by now?

His teacher has found themselves doing the same thing with little Timmy because he hasn’t engaged in the activities covered in his last lesson. He still hasn’t learned the first bar. It’s starting to get a bit tedious and guess what, both little Timmy and his teacher are very aware of it.

Soon little Timmy starts to become less interested in going to his guitar lessons. He knows what’s going to happen. His teacher is going to ask him to do the same sort of things all over again.

Unfortunately, Timmy’s guitar teacher’s hands are somewhat tied. As much as they want to, they can’t show Timmy how to play those tunes he really wants to play, because he still refuses to practice fretting notes at home (an essential skill for ANY type of real progress).

Little Timmy tells you that he doesn’t want to do guitar lessons anymore. They’re boring and his teacher smells like a poopy head.

So he decides to quit lessons, and you let him. He still has a guitar, but he now has even less direction than before. What are the chances of him making progress now?

You guessed it; pretty much zero (barring any monumental change in attitude and approach from Little Timmy).

“So what you’re telling me is that I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t?”

Welcome to parenthood. Ha. No, not quite.

Before I launch into a range of suggestions to get your child to practice without having to force them, it’s worth considering what you actually expect them to get out of the experience.

Do you want them to make a decent rate of progress on the instrument, learn skills such as self-discipline and become a rounded musician or do you just want them to have fun?

If you want your child to benefit from the discipline learning a musical instrument brings, then be prepared for an active role in your child’s practice. Let’s call it ‘Active Parenting’. I’ll cover what this means shortly.

On the other hand, if you are providing music lessons as a fun activity then you can afford to be a little more hands off, providing you have no expectations regarding rate of progress. My only piece of advice here is to make your child’s music teacher aware of your expectations.

By default, most music teachers assume that the goal is for the student to make progress on the instrument, perhaps sit some grades or work towards some performances. If you don’t want any of these things (or at least don’t mind if your child doesn’t partake in any of these activities), inform your child’s music teacher so they can adjust their own approach.

It’s not a fun experience for anyone involved to force a child into an exam or performance if they have no intention of doing it and won’t have the necessary support at home.

Communication will avoid any crossed wires and makes sure everybody is singing from the same hymn sheet.

I want to make the point here that I don’t think either of the above approaches is correct/incorrect. You obviously have the right to set your own expectations. But making this clear to all parties makes for a more enjoyable experience all round.

There’s no denying that it’s difficult to get children to practice, but not impossible. If you’ve decided that you’d like your child to benefit from one of the wonderful perks of learning to play a musical instrument, you’ll need to prepare to get involved and equip yourself with some tools to help you both along the way.

I’m going to share some helpful tips which you can employ to encourage your child to practice without having to force them into it. Some of them may be hits, others not so much. Engage in a bit of trial and error to see what works best with your child. If your child is of instrument learning age, you’ll be well aware by now that there is no one size fits all manual for parenting!

1. Communicate expectations

Seems obvious, but at least talk to your child about what you expect of them if they begin learning to play an instrument.

Advice on practice frequency varies greatly, but if you ask me, a beginner musician should aim to practice at least 4-5 times a week, for around 20-30 mins at a time.

This will usually give ample time to make progress, assuming that practice time is spent wisely.

You can always revisit this conversation if practice frequency/duration slips below expectations.

2. Less is more

Parents want to provide as many opportunities as they can for their children. Admirable, but this sometimes has a downside. Enrolling little Timmy in music lessons alongside karate, swimming, football practice and still finding time for school homework and to play with their friends may not be the best idea.

I see this far too often and sadly it means that the child doesn’t get to spend enough time on each activity to truly benefit. Life becomes rushed and the child can only gets to experience a taster of each.

The truth is that we can’t do it all. Perhaps choose a couple of activities and see how they get on before deciding whether or not to continue.

3. Provide the opportunity to practice

If you want your child to practice 4-5 times a week, they need the time, resources and physical space in which to do that.

Think of a time that fits in with your routine at home. Perhaps the 20-30 mins before dinnertime could be your child’s practice time? Or straight afterschool? Try to choose some times during the week when your child will definitely be given time to practice.

You’ll also need a space for them to practice. This doesn’t have to be a permanent space in your house if you don’t have the room (who does?!)

It just needs to be a space that is reasonably quiet and free from distractions. Try to avoid setting up a practice space around other siblings if possible.

As tempting as it is to sit in and listen, try to make it a space where your child can be on their own (you can still be in ear shot, but out of the way). I always felt very self-conscious practicing in front of my parents but was very happy to explore music when I was on my own.

Provide a suitable chair (if required) a music stand, pencil and anything else recommended by your child’s music teacher.

4. Charts, planners and stickers

Young children love stickers. Don’t be ashamed of exploiting this!

Set up a practice chart and give your child a sticker every time they practice for your predetermined practice time (I.e. 20 mins). You might also consider giving one sticker per 10 minutes. This can encourage them to practice for longer to earn more stickers.

Be consistent with the awarding of stickers.

Make a point of looking at the chart at the end of each week to add up how many stickers they’ve earned.

Studies show that leveraging the gamification element of a points based system has proven to be somewhat effective, even if it’s efficacy if difficult to pin down conclusively. I think the variety of personality types probably has more than a little to do with this. You know your child best, so will be best placed to decide whether this option is likely to be effective.

5. Rewards

There’s only one thing children love more than stickers… Rewards!

If you set a reward for meeting expectations, your child is more likely to want to practice. It doesn’t have to be anything too grand or expensive.

Try to make the reward proportionate to the achievement, whatever that is for you.

A new iPad for doing 20 minutes of practice is probably over the top. But an extra 20 minutes of TV time, or staying up 20 minutes later at the weekend might be more suitable.

You’ll already know what your child enjoys most, so use this knowledge to set your rewards.

Remember to communicate this to your child so they know they can earn rewards with practice.

6. Games

I’ve found this word to be extremely useful when teaching young children.

By calling something a ‘game’ rather than an ‘activity’ or a ‘task’, they are immediately far more engaged and willing to get involved.

Ask your teacher if they can show you some simple music ‘games’ to help kick start each practice session.

This is really nice as it gives you an opportunity to become more actively involved in your child’s music practice in a very enjoyable way. It’s fun for both and you and a good source of quality time you can spend together.

After 5-10 mins, let them get on with the rest of their music practice on their own.

7. Focus on Confidence

No matter what you do when helping with your child’s music practice, it’s important to focus on building confidence and self esteem.

In the short term, a child who feels confident will be more open to exploring. My casual observation as a music teacher is that the exploration of music and the creativity that comes from this is one of the keys to longer term success with the instrument.

Research on the long term effects of building self esteem prove that it has a significant prospective impact on real-world life experiences. Kind of important if you want your child to grow up to be happy with a good relationship with their mental health.

8. Gentle Reminders

Here’s a hyperthetical scenario. Your child reaches the age where they are now old enough to brush their own teeth. Do you show them once and then expect them to remember to do it on their own every morning and evening until they leave home?

No. You go through the routine of how to brush your teeth a number of times. When they’ve built up the skill and are showing a bit of independence, you fall back on daily reminders, which become less frequent over time. Eventually, reminders are no longer needed.

A bit simplistic, perhaps! But you get the idea.

Children will probably need lots of prompting at first to get them into the habit of practicing. Children these days are busy and unless you help by reminding them, there’s a good chance they will get distracted. Treat music practice in the same way you might with school homework until they’ve fallen into a good routine.

Just be gentle with how you remind them and avoid letting it boil over into an argument.

It’s worth mentioning the handful of children who you encounter every now and then who are completely self-motivating and seem to be determined to improve as musicians all on their own.

But make no mistake, not all children are like this.

In fact, not all accomplished professional musicians were like this as children. If your child isn’t self motivating right now, don’t panic. It doesn’t mean they won’t grow up to be a happy musician with healthy practice habits. They just need time to find their way, and with the right guidance, will succeed.

Speak to my parents and they will tell you that I needed reminding to practice on a daily basis, pretty much until I was around 18 years old. I didn’t always like it at the time, but on the whole I thank them for their (mostly gentle) persistence now.

Active parenting can offer just the right amount of structure and encouragement which will help your child to thrive. However, it’s not an exact science. There will be occasions when your child will push back, perhaps throw a tantrum or become distant.

It’s worth looking for the signs that you’ve pushed too hard so you can tailor your approach.

Pushing too hard and turning practice into a chore can create a negative mindset around music practice and can instil some very damaging attitudes towards practice/work.

I know many professional musicians who struggle with their mental health as a result of growing up with a poor attitude towards what practice really means and the expectations placed upon them regarding music practice (*raises hand*).

This topic is almost certainly the subject of another post I will write in the future. In the meantime, let’s not make the same mistake with the next generation of musicians.

Learning to play a musical instrument is a lifelong journey of discovery and self improvement. Although we do set goals, there is a lot more than happens around these goals that form a truly fulfilling experience.

Goals may also change as musical preferences or intentions change. That’s ok.

From time to time, your child may go off course. They might start trying to play really fast, or go through a stage of only playing songs they’ve written themselves. These are all self discovery activities and a vital part of becoming fully rounded as a musician.

I’ve written resources on creating the most efficient practice routine, but the reality is that children in particular can’t do this 100% of the time. It’s good to have the model to follow, but there will be times when as a practicing musician, you get the urge to deviate in the pursuit of something creative.

If you or your child’s music teacher notice that practice has become wayward, avoid jumping straight in straight away to ‘correct’ this. If your child is enjoying what they’re doing and appears to be driven, give them space. They’re learning something you cannot teach them.

If you’ve made it this far, well done! You really care about your child’s music education and are willing to learn more about what you can do to help. You’re doing an incredible job!

As parents, we don’t get it right 100% of the time, so please don’t worry if you put a foot wrong every now and then (or even a lot!). Take a step back, regroup and see if you have more success with a different approach. Hopefully you’ll find some of the suggestions above to be of value. Please do let me know how you get on by leaving a comment below.

We’re all trying to do the best for our children and avoid the mistakes we recognise from our own youth. Just keep up the good work, you’re doing great.